Michelle Obama Hosts Pagan Hindu Event

First Lady Michelle Obama hosted an event on 5 November to mark the Hindu festival of Diwali, or “festival of lights,” to honor Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth and prosperity.

Hindus celebrate by placing small earthenware oil lamps called “diyas” in their homes to help the goddess find her way.

“In India Hindus will leave the windows and doors of their houses open so that Lakshmi can come in.

Diwali also marks the first day of the business year and some Hindus will say prayers to the goddess for a successful year. 

Meanwhile, US Senators John Cornyn and Mark R Warner, co-chairs of Senate’s bipartisan India Caucus, announced that they would introduce a bipartisan resolution in the Congress to recognize the religious and historical significance of Diwali.

The resolution honors an important tradition of Hindus, Sikhs, and Jains in the flourishing Indian-American community in the US as well as those of our partners in India, they said.

Partners in India, eh? Like, the people who we want to do a lot of international business with and ship more U.S. jobs to India — this is a thing to them, so we are going to be cool about their thing? And that is how whiteys like Senators John Cornyn of Texas and Mark Warner of Virginia end up as co-chairs for the “India Caucus”? Oh well, since this is the only kind of thing y’all are really capable of in Congress any more, just, carry on we guess.

Leave it to Macaca Moochelle to come up with a reason to celebrate a chick god with 4 muscular arms that people pray at to give them money. Whatever, pagan.

We would also like to take a moment to apologize to any Hindus for the backlash this will surely cause, as Michelle Obama has already managed to make all Republicans everywhere hate even water pretty hard by acknowledging its presence, so we can only imagine what this will do for all of you Indians.

As President Obama said in his official President guy statement: Here in the United States, Diwali also reminds us that our nation is home to many faiths and traditions, and that our diversity makes us stronger, which is why I’m proud that this year Democrats and Republicans in Congress joined together for the first-ever celebration of Diwali on Capitol Hill.

And also India, we need your business. Happy Diwali all you pagans!

According to the Hindu American Foundation, there are approximately 2.29 million Hindus in the United States or 0.72 percent of the U.S. population of 314 million.